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“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. “Keep it,” the cop said, “When you collect four of them you get a bicycle.” |
Two elderly women, rivals in their social circle, met at a party. “My dear,” said the first woman, “Are those real pearls?” “They are,” replied the second woman. “Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them,” smiled the first woman. The second coolly responded, “Yes, but for that you would need real teeth.”
A second-grade math class was learning about groups. In one exercise, pupils were asked to label a group of items according to their common characteristics. Pictured were onion rings, doughnuts, a bundt cake, and ring cookies. The correct answer would have been that all the items have holes in the center. But one health-conscious boy’s response was, “All of those things contain too much cholesterol.”
A family had spent the day moving from their farmhouse into a brand new development. Very early the next morning, the 5-year-old son ran into his parents’ bedroom to wake them. His mother dressed him and told him to play in the yard. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. “Mommy, Mommy,” he exclaimed, “Everybody has doorbells—and they all work!”
“God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.”
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