May 1998 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

Fred was near death. As his condition deteriorated he motioned frantically for something to write on, and the pastor handed him a pen. Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then died. In the commotion the pastor put the unread note in his pocket.

As the pastor was giving the eulogy at Fred's funeral, he realized he was wearing the same jacket as when Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but I'm sure there's a word of inspiration for us all." He opened the note, and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

A medical office was in the process of moving to a new location, and a secretary sent a memo to the doctors to see if anyone wanted a pile of old chest x-rays that were gathering dust in a closet. "Why not donate them to the poor," one suggested, "who can't afford x-rays of their own?"

Q: What do men and dogs have in common?
A: They're both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Bonds mature.

Multi-millionaire John Jacob Astor had just ordered a drink on the deck of the Titanic when the luxury liner struck the iceberg. "I sent for ice," he commented, "but this is ridiculous."

When told that upcoming contender Leon Spinks had a new plan on how to fight him, Mike Tyson replied, "They all got a plan—until they get hit."

"When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." —Albert Einstein


"Where are the self-help books? "

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